Denver, Colorado here I come!

Got into the BelRae Institute, which is a very very VERY good school. Signed up for January so goodbye Cumberland Hello Big City Denver!!

I still wish I could go to Pittsburg, I sent them my final transcript but I'm so tired of dicking around with them!!! I've been trying for a year now to get into that school. I'd rather be closer to home, plus Nikki is already there so I know it would take a lil stress and homesickness off but I'm so tired of trying. I sent them my final transcript about a week ago and I know it'll take forever to hear from them and I'm gonna have to call at some point. Dad wants me to go there because it would be easier and I'd be closer to home incase something happens. But I think he's stressing because Jo is moving to Texas on Sunday (don't even let me get into that!) and he doesn't want his "baby girls" moving so far away.
But Denver seems like a nice place, and once I would finish it would be a good area to do what I really want which is to start my own exotic animal rehabilitation center. Get some land and take in unwanted or abandoned wild animals. Elephants, tigers, horses, lions, dogs, chickens....all of that. Give them all a second chance. Shit, I'd even be happy just working with them.

Haven't written in a while. Soooo here I am.
Over labor day weekend Justin and I took a spur of the moment trip to Atlantic City. We both had never been their before. For awhile now we have been bickering a lot at each other....not fighting, but just constatnyl having little spurts of aggression and agitation. So we decided to get away from here, which has helped. It was really last minute so we couldn't find any cheap hotels available in OC, or VA Beach, but we found one in Atlantic City. I don't gamble, nor do I see the point of it but we knew there would be tons of other things to do. We had a nice time, walked on the boardwalk, saw the new Harry Potter movie (3rd time) at the IMAX theatre in the Tropicana, walked along the beach collecting seashells, ate at the Rainforest Cafe and basically just relaxed and actually enjoyed each others company. It wasn't hot and sunny at all so that sucked bc we couldn't lay out on the beach or hotel pool. We stayd out till round 4am one night just going in and out of casinos having free drinks and blowing money away. It wasn't an exciting vacation but it wasn't boring either.
On another note, I've been laid off from Spherix just as I expected. So now I'm back to square one in finding a job in this hell hole of a town I call home. For the time being I have taken up the role as babysitter/tutor for my nephews Alec and Ryan. Pick them up from the bus stop, fix them a snack, help with homework, and watch the same Spongebob Square Pants, ICarly, and Drake and Josh episodes over and over.
It feels weird not being in school right now, I graduated last semester with an Associates in Science Degree. Its not what I want, but I found out a while back that I was only about 5 classes away from an Associates Degree so I figured what the hell may as well go for it so I have a backup in case all else fails. Justin and my family were really proud and excited for me. Especially my mom and dad bc they knew I worked hard for it. But not me. I'm not proud at all.....I guess because it's not what I really want and I don't feel like I worked hard for it. I've been going to school forever and this is all I have so far. Well, this and that I'm a certified Phlebotomist/EKG Technician. I guess thats good but it's still not what I WANT.
I don't like being here I feel like I'm wasting time which I am. I applied to the Vet Tech Institute for a second time. This time I sent in my CCBC transcripts and another semesters of AC along with a letter. The advisor said that it still comes down to my math and science grades still not being so hot. But I still have to send in my last semester and he said that since I have an Associates now it may up my chances. But deep down I feel like its a lost cause.
So I've started applying at different places. I've applied at the Bel Rae Institute in Denver Colorado as well as Colleges that have the Vet Tech Program in Arizona, Florida, and California. It's hard though because even if a school has the program you still have to make sure that its recognized by the Veterinary Medicine Board. My dad wants me to stick with somewhere close to home as a safety precaution. Such as if there is a family emergency, or I need something sent, or even if I get homesick I wouldn't be too far away....driving distance. Which I don't blame him because I knw how I first got homesick when I moved to Baltimore. But I'm older now and I can't "play it safe". How am I supposed to get away from here if I stick around here?

So I don't know....still trying to work things out. Justin is supportive though. His reply to everything is to "do what you have to do, its your future and you can't mess around with it". He said he'll go wherever I go so long as he ahs a plan for himself.

Sooo, earlier today I learned there is another Twilight series book that was leaked to the internet. Stephanie was working on it and it's not finished but someone got ahold of it or something and passed it around or whatever so she decided to post the rough draft on her website. It's not finished, but it goes to the part with the family playing baseball during the thunderstorm. Its unedited, and theres grammar issues but duh...its not finished.
Anyways, I learned about it earlier and I jsut finished reading the whole thing online...all 260+ pages and it is AWESOME.
For any of you interested its called Midnight Sun and it's Edwards version of Twilight, everything from his point of view instead of Bellas. It doesn't sound like its good or a big deal but it is. If you read the books you know how deep and emotional he is and how strongly things were for him, so to read this is so interested and really pulls at your heart. You get to read about what he hears in peoples heads, what really went on in his mind in the classroom when her hair blew, his family talking him through things, him going into her bedroom to watch her sleep.....all of that stuff its AWESOME. Just go to Stephanie Meyers website, click on Twilight at the top, and on the left side you'll see Midnight Sun and once you click on that scroll down and you'll see the link.
You can't print it, save it, copy and paste...none of that. Everythings secured so you hae no option but to sit at your desk and read it from screen....but it's well worth the hassle

Does anyone else watch Whale Wars? Oh my god I'm so attached to the show.
Ever since I was little I have had an obsession with whales. In my bedroom my walls were blue with Orca Whales wall paper. I had bedsheets with whales n dolphins on them. I had little glass figures of different species of whales. I had whale stuffed animals and one time in elementary school we had a project where we got to write a book and mine was on whales. I even made clubs named "Ride with the Whales" where I would take bedsheets and make forts in our basement (which were totally fucking awesome) I even wanted to be a Marine Biologist.
Anyways, if you don't know about this show its the Sea Shepherds who are an anti- whaling enviromental group who every whaling season go out and try and stop the Japanese from whaling. They do it in parts of the ocean which are supposed to be whale sanctuaries and they do it in such in inhumane way. They say they are collecting tissue samples and such which is a fucking lie. But up until this season the Sea Shepherds have for 30 years successfully stopped them from meeting their quota. But now, the Japanese have upped the antey. Theyv'e put nets covering their ship so the Shepherds can't throw the buteric acid and such on the ship (the buteric acid is a liquid that taints the meat, smells horrible, and makes the ground really slippery and the more you try to clean it up the messier it gets). Plus they've installed LRADS on their ships which is a military device.
I'm getting off track. SO, this last episode was horrible, completely sad. The japanese killed 4 whales right in front of the shepherds, blood coming off the ships, throwing the guts off the ship so it floats by, they even chase the whales down and shoot them with shotguns.It's horrible.
I dont even know why I'm writing about it really, I'm just bored and sad and venting I guess. If you don't watch the show you should. There is so much bad in this world and people try to avoid knowing about it. Most people just say "yes I know it exists but I don't want to know the details". I believe you should, otherwise how will you know what there really is. I've gone to the PETA website and watched horrible undercover videos of what circuses do to their animals, what animal testing really means, and all sorts of horrible things. I've sat here and cried watchign the videos wanting to stop but can't. It's sad but I believe a person should know that way they could maybe do something about it or not support the companies, zoos, circuses, or use the products that you find out about.

We are adopting 2 more ferrets. Kadie needs a buddy since Dali has passed. She plays with the cat but sometimes you'll turn around and you'll see Kiddy dragging her away by the scruff, plus Kadie bites hard sometimes so we figure she just needs another ferret.
We are adopting them from the Hide-E-Hole Ferret Rescue in Pittsburg. One of them is Jax, his story is a woman saw him being thrown from a moving car on a neighborhood road, so she stopped and got him and took him to the rescue.
The other one is Buddha, his owner neglected him hardcore. They kept him in the basement in his cage and the only interaction he ever had was being poked through the cage with sticks. So now he's deaf and is somewhat anxious.
I don't understand how people can treat animals this way! Its amazing how differently people think. Animals do feel and have emotions. Just because they can't speak to you and say "that hurts" or things like that doesn't mean that they don't feel. Could you imagine being poked with sticks through a cage and being deaf at the same time? Or being thrown from a moving car? Horrible.
So we are going to adopt them and give them a good home for the rest of their lives. The lady said Buddha doesn't get along well with other ferrets but we don't mind, we just want to make him happy and we have a spare cage. And Jax nips a little but thats okay too. I'm excited. I can't wait I love ferrets, there amazing pets and really smart.

Justin recorded the Michael Jackson Memorial for me....and I am crying like a baby. I'm taking a break from staring at the tv and just listening to Brooke Burk speak...seems to keep the tears away not looking at the screen.
But still, it's very, very, very touching and emotional...but good. It's 8 hours though so I think I'm gonna watch it in pieces :) I just hope at some point they do "Thriller"...they have to it was his best career moment.

God...you watch everything and it really makes you realize how much he was a part of your life even though you didn't know him personally.
I don't care what anyone says, there is atleast one Michael Jackson song out there that every time you hear it you think "hell yea". I remember being little putting on dance shows for my mom in the basement on our stage with his songs. And I remember dancing in my room with my little Playschool red and white cassette player with it's little microphone playing the Bad cassette cleaning up my room.
And even now, I have his songs on a bunch of my cds in the car that I always play...and no matter who is in my car as soon as a song comes on the words that come out of whoever is in the passenger seat usually are " holy shit...are you fucking kidding me?" and they act like their not into it and I peak over and they usually are mouthing the words or bobbing their head "discretly"

Does anyone know anything about sleep paralysis? The past couple months I have been ATTACKED by it!! I hate it soooo much it's scary and its something you really can't control. It happens to me atleast 4 to 5 times a week now.

I'll wake up, and I can open my eyes but I can't move! I'll try so hard, and think so hard to get up but I can't. Sometimes I can roll over, or move my arm but god..it takes like 5 minutes of thought and focusing on myself to do it. I can even yell out to Justin. It isn't perfect english, but I can make myself speak. I'll yell for him and then tell him to "come here" but at first he didn't know what I was doing, and would think I was just messing with him so he wouldn't come. So I'd be stuck there for like 30 minutes (no exaggeration) trying to get up. Now though, because I've told him about it, when he hears me he knows whats up. It actually happend about an hour ago. He says, now he knows when he hears my voice and it has a certain pitchy "whine" to it he knows that I'm "stuck"
I really don't understand it. I mean, I get it that probably my subconscious is awake but my mind is not, or something like that and it's what causes it...but it still doesn't make sense. I can open my eyes, look around, I can hear, I can fully think, and I can yell broken english but I CAN'T GET UP. It's so difficult to put it into words without it seeming unbelievable but I try so hard and I can't sit up.

There is going to be an enormous yard sale at my parents this weekend. All sorts of things are going to be up for grabs. Just to name a few:
Baby Clothes
Baby Toys
Strollers, High Chairs
Mens Clothing
Womens Clothing, Teenager Clothing
Jewelry,Jewelry Cases, Purses, Random Accessories (earrings, necklaces, nail polish, cases, curlers, etc)
Household Items (KitchenWare, Dinette Sets, Coffee Mugs/Glasses, Cooking Utensils, Grills)
Holiday Decorations (LOTS of Christmas Lawn Items, Halloween, Easter)
Furniture Things (t.v's, Computer Desk, Dressers, School Desks, Benches, Bed Frames/Mattresses)
Games Systems along with Games and Controllers
TONS of Books of All Sorts
Office Items (Organizer Shelves, Paper, Markers/Pens/Pencils, Unused Binders, Notebooks)
Vacation Needs (Beach Bags, Towels, Things Like That)

Plus a LOT of miscellaneous Things of all sorts like greeting card packages, little knick-knacks, and a WHOLE BUNCH of things that can be gifts for all sorts of occasions.
Seriously, I can't say it enough.....A LOT OF STUFF

So do it, come overand check it out. All prices are negotiable. The yard sale will be held all weekend, all day.

The address is 21 Richard Way, LaVale in Coverwood. Across from the mall and Braddock Square Plaza (Martins, Gabriels, and Kohls). There will be signs to show where to go and you can park anywhere.
My cell is 240-580-0082.

Sooo...its been like five months...And I still haven't gotten over the Twilight Series. I keep buying any stupid gossip magazine that has them on the cover just so I can read what probably isn't even completely true. I keep watching the New Moon trailor over and over and every time my heart starts pounding and I actually clap my hands and bounce in my chair at the end cuase it just looks FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm such a girl. But hey, at least I have SOMETHING to look forward to....what do YOU have? haha.

So I'm sitting here downloading music and I'm looking through all my songs......I have NOTHING of recent bands, music, etc. I've got 60's 70's 80's and 90's....I'm like go106fm haha!!! Seriously.... I've got tons of Phil Collins, Journey, Janis Joplin, Doors, Guns n Roses, Michael Jackson (hell yea....you can't talk shit all you want, you know you ROCK OUT when you hear Thriller), Genesis, Stevie Knicks, Queen, Elton John, Prince,Zepplin, Hendrix, Janes Addiction....
Seriously, the only up to date music I have is stuff like Chevelle,Shinedown, Linkin Park, Mariah Carey, Hinder, Framing Hanley, Bush.....stuff like that.
Oh well, I love music, and as far as I'm concerned old rock is real rock...they worked for their music unlike nowadays where shit is handed to them so easily.
I love my Journey

Twitter me...Wisher84

I'm obsessed with Twilight as is Justin and Harley. Justin even has me reading the books to him at night as bedtime stories haha! I've already finished reading the second book and now we are on the third....he can't believe how great it is especially since before he knew anything about the series and I woudl talk to him about it he thought it sounded stupid.
I'm officially obsessed with Robert Patterson...I don't care about the rumors that he smells and has bad hygiene, shit, I'll give him a sponge bath myself haha! Besides, he's British they dont have the same obession with hygiene as Americans do. When i was in Europe it was like the first thing I noticed.
The only thing that I HATE about Robert Patterson being hot is that Jared kinda looks like him........I HATE THAT. But its true...they do look strongly alike.......I can never look at Jared the same anymore.

So my job is no more....again, there closing,
Apparantly the business just isn't making enough to cover mall rent,payroll and whatever else there was so we have to close. FUCKING GREAT.
This job was a joke anyways, I worked my ass off for nothing, management was useless no one knew what the fuck they were doing, I don't even want to BEGIN with all the shit I had to deal with with them. And now their closing and the best they can offer me is unemployment. Ben gets to go to the U.S. Cellular kiosk....which is fine I understand bc he has seniority and deserves it. Tasha gets to stay out at the Keyser location taking care of online orders which is BULLSHIT. She started here after me and yet SHE still gets to have some sort of job. She caused so many fucking problems I don't evne want to get into them. Lets just say she was the fellow employee that was the one that started rumors, caused problems, lies, the managers bitch,etc. And as for me....the one who majority of the time worked 8 to 9 days straight and would have one day off and go back to 8 to 9 days again....I get offered unemployment. Whoa, what a big check those will be. I'm another statistic in the US collecting unemployment now.
So now I got to find a job in a shitty town that is always hard to find a job in, in a time where EVERYONE is trying to find a job. Great. I could stab myself. I'm so ready to leave here. I say it all the time but I am....I just want to get things over with and move on with my life.

Can you answer this without lying?
Sure.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you?
HELL NO

Last person to comment you?
Comment as in on here or myspace? Hell I don't know

Does anything hurt on your body?
My back from this damn chair

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Justin

What are you listening to right now?
The noises here in the mall...people talking, strollers and buggies wheeling by, my typing

Do you know someone in jail?
Haha yah

Where were you at 2:00AM this morning?
Snuggled up with my man watching The Cosby Show trying to get tired

Anything annoying you right now?
Somethings always annoying me....right now its the old people mall walkers that just circle the mall for exercise

What will you be doing in a half hour?
Still sitting here or maybe taking a smoke break

Name a lyric from the song your listening to:
um....I can here Paramore "Decode" coming from Finish Line

What was the best thing that happened today?
It's only 12:35 the days just getting started.....geez

Are you in a good mood?
I'm in an alright mood....not good, not bad...just alright

Do you like someone?
I LOVE him

What can't you wait for?
To get off work and go home

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Um......probably

Can you count to ten in more than one language and what language?
Spanish.

How did you feel when you woke up?
Tired

Last thing you drank?
RedBull

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Having sex

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Oh yea....anytime I'm sick

When is your birthday?
12/28/1984

Are you listening to any music?
Just the echoes of the music from the mall speakers, Spencers, and Finish Line all mixing together

What time is it?
12:38pm

What's your full name?
Natasha Tillie Feldstein

Are you single/taken/looking/or dont exactly care right now?
Taken

What is your favorite color?
Green

Any siblings?
2.

Do you have any nicknames?
Nat, Tasha, Jew, Jewish Princess

Would you rather drink more coffee or tea?
neither, I prefer Hot Apple Cider

Would you rather be somewhere else?
Home with Justin or in California.

Whats your favorite song at the moment?
Framing Hanleys "Lollipop"

Favorite season?
Summer

Have you ever hated someone and ended up being friends with them?
I wouldn't call it "friends"

Do you hate anyone?
Always

Do you want to move away?
YES!!!

Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
Yes.

Did they leave you?
Yes, they died

Do you like your boyfriend/girlfriend to be taller then you?
Yes

What time did you go to bed last night?
round 1:30

Are you ticklish?
Yes!

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
I can but as long as someones cuddling me

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings?
?? And then what?
If it's 4 in the morning and my phone rings I'm throwing the damn thing across the room

How many pillows do you sleep with?
one to rest my head on, one under my legs, and one to hold

Did your night suck?
no?

Are you starting to realize anything?
No, I've known it for awhile

Did you kiss or makeout with anyone today?
Yes, We did our morning good bye kiss

Do you straighten your hair?
Yup.

Walmart or Target?
Target!

Do you wear collared shirts?
nah

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
No, I have DVR

Do you think you'll be in a relationship 2 months from now?
Yes

Did you cry today?
nopers

Do you save your money or spend it when you get your hands on it?
Spend.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 24 hours?
Justin and my Boschers

Soft bed or firm?
In between.


What is one fear that you can't seem to overcome?
Driving on high bridges


Is there anyone that you regret ever meeting?
Ha! Many!


Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
Live alone or the person I'm involved with

If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
Cry and then start planning

Are you satisfied with your life right now?
Somewhat.

Ever felt like you're not good enough?
no I make sure never to feel that way

Are you a jealous person?
Depends.

Do you think that you are a good person?
Yes

What's the scariest thing you've ever seen?
I'm not really sure

What's the last thing you bought at the mall?
A shirt for Justin

What's the last thing you ate/drank?
RedBull and Caramal Corn Rick Snacks

What's the last thing you watched on tv?
The Money Pit

Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book?
Yes

What are you looking forward to the most?
Didn't you already ask this?

Describe what you wore yesterday?
FLip flops, long cream skirt, and sweater


Is it summer? If not, do you wish it were?
No. Yes

What do you think of gauged ears?
Stupid...Completly ridiculous...Why the fuck would you want that and what do you get out of it? I could go on and on. All I gotta say is that your gonna look ridiculous and like a freak when your older

So....some sad news. We put Dali to sleep last week. Yes I know it's horrible. He go sick again with the same symptoms...vomiting,diarrhea, not eating or drinking. We took him back to the vet and got some more medicine but this time he didn't get any better....he just got worse, a lot worse. He got to the point where he was soooo skinny and just doing nothing but sleeping. By the time we decided that it was just time to end his pain, that there was nothing more we could do he was already acting like this was it. He was doing the constant limp animal thing, his ees had sunken in, and he was completely skin and bones it was horrible. You could just tell it was time, his whole appearance was just that of an animal who is at the end of his life. It was so sad, I mean he was about 6 years old, I got him when I was with Jimmy. Poor Justin was a mess, he loved that lil guy. He took it a lot rougher than I did...maybe because I was looking at his illness and age more realistically than he was. But yea...Dali is no more...we buried him the other day in my parents back yard.
But at least we still ahve Kadie!

So my work got internet...wahoo! Now I have atleast something else to do while I'm here besides reading.
This job messed up my already messed up back. I have to sit in this bar stool and the back rest of it doesn't go up very high. So it's really uncomfortable and the only way to be somewhat comfortbale is to slouch down and rest my feet on one of the shelves that the cash register sits on. This works for a little bit until your butt goes numb and then you gotta figure something else out.
So the past two weeks I worked 9 days in a row, and I think working these many days straight sitting in the slouched position really messed my back up. For like 5 days I was having lower back pains, and then two days ago I woke up and it was excruciating, and when I was brushing my teeth and bent over to spit everything out I actually got stuck! I had to force myself to stand straight up and god it hurt! After that everything hurt, the pain was constant, getting up sitting down, strateching my legs out, even driving hurt. So yesterday I went to the Frostburg Clinic and got some HIGHLY UNUSEFUL medicine. I got some Flexerols (blah), Loracets 5mg(why bother) and some Penicillin. So unless I can find some more agreeable and useful painkillers I'm stuck with this pain. And now I'm here at work sitting back in the wonderful chair.

Not much has been going on in my life. My winter depression is in full swing, as is Justins. I haven't even gotten on the internet no more than...maybe 5 times in the past 4 months. It gets like this every winter for me for as long as I can remember....but now that I am older it's much worse. Every winter I get really lazy and depressed and dont feel like doing much of anything. I do what needs to be done and then I go to the couch or the bed and spend the rest of my day there.
Justins been much worse simply bc he has had no work whatsoever. He had 3 jobs a month ago but those are long over and done with and he hasn't had anything since. He just lays around the house all day watching tv or playing video games. It really bothers me because he doesn't DO ANYTHING. He doesn't even bother to do stuff around the house that could help me out which I end up snapping at him for every now and then. I mean, if he's going to be around the house couldn't he at least do the dishes, orchange a trash can, make the bed...or g oand clean the poop from the back yard from Bosch? No...he doesn't. And if I leave for work and ask him to do something, he doesnt do it until I GET BACK from work.
It really irks me....but thats seasonal depression...you don't feel like doing anything. It just kills me to see him doing nothing because I know what he is capable of. And he wont get a second job which really bothers me.....I'm not telling him to quit hsi job because he refuses to do that. But I'm trying to get him to at least get some sort of part time job...something simple like barbacking at one of the bars around here. Anything that could give him some money while he has no work. His job is a perfect example of the economy dwindling. No one has money to spend....and if they do get money they keep it. No one can afford to get new floors. And its showing and killing his bank account. Hopefully things will change in the spring.

As for me I'm working at the mall. I work at the Faceplate Store, which is a kiosk in the mall that sells cell phone covers. Its a good job I like it. $6.55 and hour plus 10% commission. I sit all day and can take breaks whenever I want. I mainly read or draw while I'm there. Which is great bc it made me realize how much I do like to read. I somehow got into this Twilight series and I have no idea how it happened. The other girl who works there had the book and I read it and enjoyed it, and at the end it had a little exerpt to the next book and the piece it had left me hanging...so I had to buy the next book! And I finished that one and just decided to finish the whole series. There was a movie out based on the book.....basically Vampires. It's kinda tacky but I still like it. Anne Rice is much better....but when I have 7 hours on my hands with nothig to do but read and sell phone covers I may as well read.
School starts Monday...i only have one class left and the gym class....which I FAILED last semster by 2 fucking sessions....stupid isn't it. They wouldn't let me work out for just 2 more days to pass. So nwo I have to start all over.
But its getting down to the wire now....soon I will hopefully be going to pittsburg and starting a new life somewhere with Justin...which he is looking forward to more and more now that his work is slow.


Oh yeah Christmas. Christmas was nice, a lot of running around from house to house. Justin got me a new camera bc we lost mine at camp over the summer. He got me a new camera, my favorite perfume "Lucky You", and something else....I forget. I got him some new video games bc he is always borrowing Harleys, some new cologne from Bath and Body Works, and a new baby ferret...yes A NEW FERRET. He loves Dali so much that I figured he should have one of his own and also give Dali a buddy at the same time. Her name is Katie and she is the cutest thing ever.
Dali is getting old...its even more apparant now that there is a baby in the house. Katie is so full of energy, bouncing and chirping everywhere, wanting to play all the time....just how Dali was when he was a baby. Dali though, he doesn't want to play anymore unless its him under a bed sheet and you tossing him around with hsi hands under there. Other than that he just walks slowly everywhere and wants to do nothing but sleep in your arms.
It's kind of sad. We didn't realize how old he was until Katie. He just mopes everywhere and never runs anymore. He is 6 years old. He's only got a year left, maybe a lil more. God it's gonna be so sad when he passes away. I've had him since I was with Jimmy....thats how old he is. I got him when Jimmy first moved back to Ravenswood to keep me company. And now he's an old man.

My birthday was good as well. Justin and I decided to treat ourselves with a nice hotel room and a trip to D.C. for the weekend. We walked around the city and went to the Holocaust museum. This was the weekend when it was somehow 60 degrees so it was perfect. Walking around the city with no destination in the nice weather, hand in hand, stopping at vendors, taking pictures.....just walking.....it was really nice. The Holocaust museum was a trip as well. Justin had never been there and I haven't been there since I was little so now that I'm older I understood a lot more. It is really sad. So sad. I got teary eyed a couple times. They have a lot of information and videos, artifacts, tons of things that were real. They have a railroad car that was actually used to carry the jews to the camps....they have bricks that the camp victims wer forced to labor over. They have a whole room full of nothing but shoes that were taken from the victims when they went to the camps. Another room full of silverware, jewery, razors, toys, things that wer taken from their homes. It's just really sad. Anyone who wants to see the real deal about what happened should go there. Its completely free and you learn a lot. People who make fun of us and have no fucking clue what we went through should go there and shut the fuck up.

wow, i'm fucked up right now and typin in the dark...so tha doesn't help much...

what hte hell am i doing on this anyways....oh yeah justins not here...he ran to mcdonalds to get me an ice cream whoopwhoop adtter he goes to harleys....who which by the way got the CUTEST LITTLE FUCKR OF A PUPPY EVER!!!! He got a li l Beagel puppy and her name is A......uh.....shit....cant type on til I remember her name....not alayna..ali....ama...er...ATHENA...THATS IT! Athena! The lil beagle pups name is Athena and sh is so small you coul hold her in the pam of your hand if she soot sitll long enoough...why my typing is crazy....
Anyways...I feel like a loser sitting here typig about my fuked upness, its just not typewortthy....
ohhh ho look at me i'm fucked uptyping on my livejournal.....why do you care if i'M fcuked up?

i hate fall and winter....I only like fall because around here it's beautiful, it's so nice to be driving down the interstate and just looking off into the mountains and seeing a wide array of colors everywhere. And any person you pass you can always see that they are looking at the same thing...its amazing. And winter...the only thing I like is when your cozied up with your man on the couch and looking out the window and seeing little flutters of snow falling....and then realizing what your gonan have to do with that snow the next day in order to move your car....i hate that.

BUT, I still hate winter and fall. I hate it because of the wind (especially here in the Burg...my god it's been whistling through the doors these past couple days) and the cold air...having to pack your summer clothes up and bring out the bulky winter crap. And I hate it the most because its when you get lazy. Justin and I have done absolutly NOTHING these past couple weeks. Just laid around the house doing nothing completely unmotivated. Wethinkg we have seasonal depression..I've always had it but I think he does too. Summer time we are off doing all sorts of things but winter and fall we do nothing. It's so depressing and crappy feeling but...what can you do! Especially around here...you can go to the bar and thats about it...unless your one of those fit freaks who rent bikes and go bike riding on the canal. The most we do is take Bosch for walks late at night....which is nice. But other than that....nothing.

We are at least debating the idea of going to Pittsburg this weekend for Barktoberfest. It's like Oktoberfest only for dogs. Animal shelters host it in some park and theirs food and games for people and their pets along with dog agility shows and contests, and local shelters bring their dogs out and you can even rent one for the day. We are debating bringing either Bosch or Maya or maybe even both. But I defiantly want to rent a dog. Poor thing always being cooped up in a cage it would be nice to rent one and just walk it around and give it a good time.

So...I don't know..I'm bored.
Lazy past two days with the rain and all...I keep having a bug that keeps coming and going. Somethings going around...Harley and Kara had it...Derrick has it and I had it. It's not the flu but its something. I need to take better care of myself, I'm such a weakling and frail. I think I eat all right foods...but I just dont eat a lot. And I don't sleep good either. I think i might be anemic or something so I'm havin blood work done.

My Aunt Annie died...no clue who she was but apparantly she was the last living old Feldstein relative..we are a dying species. So my Uncle Sylvan brought her from NYC and the funeral is tomorrow. But tonight everyone is goin out to dinner at Atavianis, that restaurant is so good the food is delicious. I always get a dark greens salad and the mussels simmered in white wine sauce with a pina colada....mmmmm. Justins comin with me to the funeral tomorrow, he's interested to see what a jewish funeral is like.

My god damn phone broke arleady. Has it even been 2 months?
I think what happened was Justin sat on it last night when my purse was sitting on a chair. Because right before that it was fine, and then when we were getting ready to leave Harleys I threw it down on a chair real quick and then i noticed Justin sitting on it. Then we get home and when I was emptying my purse I noticed it.
The screen itself isn't cracked, but its the lg screen underneath that is...the lil diamonds that make up the screen. It looks like lightning and nothing shows up. I can still get phone calls and wahtnot but I just cant see shit.
GOD DAMNIT
So now I have to go and get a new phone becuase this isnt' covered under the warranty and it would cost more to send it in as opposed to just getting a new phone. If I was mom I would totally beat my ass right now. I feel horrible. Mom's telling me to try not to get another Shine bc she can see this happening again. I went up to the store today and looked around and I got this new phone, but as soon as I got home I realized I don't like it. I hate that when your phone shopping you can't really mess with the phones and see what it does. This phone is the new Sony Ericcson that theres a commercial out for, where the bottom flips out. But as soon as I started it up it's totally obvious that its meant for people who like to listen to music on their phone, plus the service is really crappy.
So I'm trying to find a good deal on a Blackberry of some sort...I cna't spend 300 bucks and I hate even spending over 200, but I know I'm gonna have to since I'm not upgrading or coming over from another carrier this time. I got my shine for like 70 bucks. Now i have to spend a lot.
I could kick myself for this, or better yet Justin. God damnit if you see my purse sitting somewhere, DON'T FUCKING SIT ON IT...COME ON!!! He simplytold me not to leave my purse laying around. Yes...true....but also don't be a lazy fuck and just sit on the thing!